An Immodest Proposal.

An Immodest Proposal.

There are people in the Facebook group for my neighborhood who are complaining that there are alligators living in the ponds behind their houses.

Memo to my neighbors: WE LIVE IN THE FRICKIN’ EVERGLADES, PEOPLE!!!!! Complaining about the gators in SW Florida is like complaining about the coyotes in Wyoming or the jumping cholla in Arizona: They literally come with the territory. Deal with it.

But I understand that my neighbors feel like they have to “do something” about the gator menace, and so that’s why I propose a simple, three-step solution to enact “common sense” gator laws that are absolutely guaranteed to get rid of the alligators from our community.

1. We label alligators as an especially dangerous type of animal, one that has no purpose in life other than to kill innocent human beings and their pets. It’ll be easy: We make a list of features found on a typical alligator (scaly skin, teeth, four legs, tail) and then label every reptile that has those features an “Assault Reptile,” or “AR” for short.

Gator-Free Zone2. We ban AR’s, and anything that LOOKS like an AR. As a result, these little guys will also be labelled as “Assault Reptiles” and banned along with alligators, but this ban will also affect the flood of cheap imported “Saturday Night Lizards” that are making our streets less safe. To be fair, some may say that banning these so-called “assault reptiles” will not actually affect a change on our streets because it will allow other deadly reptiles to roam free, but I say, if banning AR’s saves just one life, it’s worth it.

3. We put up signs like the one on the right around every pond, declaring our neighborhood to be a gator-free zone. We know from previous experience that these signs are 100% effective at keeping predators away from schools, banks, churches and government installations, so there is no reason to believe they will not be a deterrent to the deadly assault reptiles that infest our backyards, both here in SW Florida and throughout the south.

By enacting these common-sense gator laws, we can make our neighborhoods safe for our children, and our children’s children as well. I mean, just look at what they’ve done for neighborhoods in Chicago, Baltimore, New York and D.C.!

The Worst Gun Fans In The World – Championship Edition

The Worst Gun Fans In The World – Championship Edition

Worst Gun Fans In The WorldWe are done to the Big Dance, where it’s all on the line, where the rubber meets the road, where the sports metaphors come to a merciful end.

In the blue corner, Taurus Judge Fan, with his unnatural affection for a gun that’s supposed to combine the best parts of a pistol and shotgun, yet somehow manages to do neither.

In the green corner, .40 S&W fan, bitterly clinging to an outdated caliber that was supposed to be the perfect compromise between 10mm and 9mm, but now finds itself out of style and out of time.

In the undercard match for third place (or second loser, as some call it), we have Desert Eagle fan, watching and re-watching “The Last Action Hero” on VHS in his mom’s basement, going up against Springfield XD fan… sorry, I don’t know how to write anything mean in Croatian, so I’ll let this one slide for now.

Vote Now

The Worst Gun Fans In The World – The Final Four

The Worst Gun Fans In The World – The Final Four

In a squeaker decided by less than 1%, XD Fan is  more obnoxious than 9mm Fan. The brackets for the Big Dance are now set:

Taurus Judge Fan vs. XD Fan, and Desert Eagle Fan versus .40S&W Fan.

Vote now!

And for those who were asking, no, there is no licensed apparel for this Final Four contest available at this juncture, but we are looking to offer a tasteful selection of branded ball caps, t-shirts, hoodies, and banana hammocks at some point in the future.

 

Worst Gun Fans In The World, Round Two

Worst Gun Fans In The World, Round Two

AND WE HAVE A STUNNING UPSET IN ROUND ONE!!!!!

GLOCK FANS ARE OUT OF THE TOURNAMENT IN THE FIRST ROUND!!!!

Honestly, I tossed in Taurus Judge fans at the last minute as a throwaway. Are they the Cinderella story of the tournament? Will they go all the way? Vote now, and encourage your friends to vote as well!

Round Two Voting is underway: Vote here, and spread the word!

 

Absolutely The Worst.

Absolutely The Worst.

Inspired by this, I present to the Official 2018 Sweet Sixteen Bracket of the Worst Fanbase In The World, gun edition.

Vote here, and get your friends to support your cause as well. The bracket will be updated on next Saturday, and winners and losers will be posted so you can mock / rejoice appropriately.

What We Are Not.

What We Are Not.

I’m not sure if Concealed Nation is trolling us or not here, but this is pretty much everything you don’t want to do if you’re an armed citizen. All that’s missing is a Concealed Carry badge.

The funny thing is, though, that aside from some bad decisions about ammo, handcuffs, holsters and a useless micro cassette recorder, I carry variations of what he carries. Instead of a SIG 229, I carry a Shield. I carry a multitool, and a knife, and a flashlight, and pepper spray.

It’s not WHAT you carry, it’s why you carry it. This gentleman obviously proud of his law enforcement training and sees his role as an armed citizen to be a cop, sans badge.

This is not my role. My role is much more personal. I’m concerned about my health and the health of those dear to me. I’m not carrying a gun to right society’s wrongs, I carry a gun so I can emerged unscathed should bad things happen to me.

Why, it’s almost as if the mission drives the equipment, or something…

Welcome To The Pinhead Ballroom.

Welcome To The Pinhead Ballroom.

As someone who gets no end of grief for his concealed carry choices (“A .380 in your pocket, with no reload? You’ll be killed on the streets tomorrow!”), I get what Tom is saying here.

We can be a puritanical lot… “Thou dost forsake the carrying of a G34 with a U-Boat close to thine appendix in favor of the Ba’al and his liking of the .38 snubbie? For shame! Thou art accursed among men! Begone, heretic, and dwell forever in the outer darkness with the other unbelievers and their unnatural desire for the subcompact 9mm!”

15 years ago it was .40S&W or GTFO and .223 was good for small dogs and nothing else, now we’re moved on to other things. The music may change, but the song remains the same.

It kinda reminds me of the first part of Monty Python’s “Spanish Inquisition” sketch… “Our chief weapon is fear.. fear and surprise. Our TWO chief weapons are fear, surprise and ruthless efficiency. Our THREE chief weapons are…”

And so on.

We scream  “Carry your guns, people!” and then it soon progresses to “Carry your guns, people! And a light! And spray! And two knives! And a TQ and chest seal! And a reload! And a backup gun! And a weapon-mounted light! Those are ALL essential!”  To borrow from The Incredibles, when everything is essential, then nothing is. Let’s start with getting people to understand that they are ALWAY their own first responder: The top of the funnel is the important part, because without it, arguing about expert knowledge will never happen.

If everyone who posts on the internet explaining why a G34 with an RMR is the überwaffen spent 1/10th of that time trying to figure out ways to get their friends who have a CCW to carry their guns on a consistent basis, we’d have reciprocity and SHARE and everything we dream of.

Instead, we argue whether the angels should be doing the Lindy or the Foxtrot on top of their pin…

Abby Normal

Abby Normal

Because I hate wasting good stuff at an away game.

Dear Tactical Abby,

I’ve been told by people on the internet that I must have a “no compromise” attitude when it comes to my personal security, but I worry that I have made a very bad decision. I really think that I’ve compromised my personal security and the safety of my family by not carrying around an M4, a plate carrier and a half dozen 30 round mags, as experience has clearly shown that this is the optimal choice for self-defense. Instead, I’ve foolishly, even recklessly compromised my security, and I’ve decided to carry JUST a pistol. What ever shall I do? How shall I rectify this dangerous oversight on my part? Because of what I’ve done, Abby, I’ve put myself and my entire family at risk!

Signed,
Defenseless in SW Florida.

Dear Defenseless in SW Florida. 

Have you ever considered learning what you can and can’t do with a pistol, no matter if it’s a full-size service gun, compact 9mm or a .380 pocket rocket and then putting that knowledge to use defending yourself and your family? Metal and plastic don’t adapt to changing environments, people do, though, and they do so all the time. That’s what training does for you; it also you to adapt faster than the other guy and come out on top.

A pistol, any pistol is a compromise, and any pistol is also a suboptimal personal defense weapon. This is the reason why the military carries rifles around to shoot people in face rather than pistols. People like you and me, however, don’t carry around rifles because we don’t want to look like those open carry maroons who walk into Starbucks with their rifles at low ready. Instead, we choose a suboptimal platform (a pistol) for our comfort and the comfort of those around us. Get a pistol. Learn to use it well and then most importantly, carry something with you wherever it is possible to do so. Even the wimpiest of .22’s on your person when you need it is a more effective defensive tool than a tricked out Glock that’s nowhere to be found.

Signed, 

Tactical Abby

Top Ten CCW Guns

Top Ten CCW Guns

Greg Ellifritz has a link to post with some solid suggestions for pistols for concealed carry.

After months and months of research and consultation with my friends and co-workers who are some of the smartest minds in the firearms business, I’ve compiled my own definitive list of the Top Ten Most-Effective Concealed Carry Pistols. Enjoy.

The Top Ten Most-Effective Pistols For Concealed Carry

  1. The Gun You Have With You Right Now
  2. The Gun You Have With You Right Now
  3. The Gun You Have With You Right Now
  4. The Gun You Have With You Right Now
  5. The Gun You Have With You Right Now
  6. The Gun You Have With You Right Now
  7. Glock 19, Carried With You Right Now
  8. The Gun You Have With You Right Now
  9. The Gun You Have With You Right Now
  10. The Gun You Have With You Right Now